It’s hard to face failure in yourself. All the should haves, could haves and intentions are not enough to dull the pain of what could have been. But life is full of blunders, misteps and just downright stupidity that sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself and forgive yourself. Just like God has forgiven you. There will always be those lingering thoughts and sometimes downright pain of consequences but move on. Do better next time. God can use your blunders to His glory. You may not see them yet but they will be magnified in His time.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV
2018… I have been a mother for 41 years. Where did the time go? Those cherub cheeks and sticky fingers are gone and now you are grown with lives of your own. Sometimes I mourn the loss of those days when it was just the 4 of us making our way. It was a tough time but it changed me in ways I didn’t understand until now. We needed each other. You needed me to take care of you and help you grow and I needed you to keep me going. God gave me you to be His arms that held on to me he when times were lonely.
More than any other Mother’s day I miss the we of us. Busy lives and over scheduled calendars mark every day like closed doors. No smiling faces peering over the camera lens today. No mementos to post on Facebook. Just another Mother’s Day gone by.
God speaks to my heart in the sunrise. I fight the urge to snuggle down in the covers but something beckons me to get going.
Even in the quiet morning I feel helpless with all that is going on around me. The world seems out of control and I rail against the injustice, the lies that are being thrust into my world. The inhumanity that runs rampant is overwhelming. Those truths that I hold dear are being laughed at and God’s holiness is being stomped on.
Lord is there hope? People I love around me are losing the battle. God why don’t you do something? I feel we are losing ground.
But then comes the sunrise… and I think of my own walk. The kingdom of God is not being built in grand gestures from on high or God making all things perfect. It’s being built in the hearts of His people. As I struggle everyday to live a holy life the kingdom is being built. The people I touch and invest in are His creation and He has a plan much grander than mine. My job is not to see the big picture and the grand gestures. My job is to walk in faith and live out God’s truth in the everyday. I need to let Him do the rest.
Laying in bed this morning I said to my husband. Let’s just run away. It was such a nice morning, just the two of us with the world and all of its chaos and responsibility lurking just outside our door.
It’s not that I am unhappy, it just sometimes you just need peace and today did not promise that. Work in the garden, clean house, care for my mother, meals…
Life is good and life is messy. Discontentment is just a breath away. But for now we will enjoy our life because this is where God has placed us. We are blessed beyond measure with good health and great people around us.
But one day we will open that door.
At times I have tried to teach people to swim. Little kids trying to splash excitedly, go under. My muscular husband tries to beat the water into submission and doesn’t understand why he can’t get moving. Others simply kick up a storm and go nowhere. You see its all about working with the water, going with the flow. It’s all about the glide.
Working on my technique the other day I started to think about this as it pertains my life. Most of my life I wanted to know more, make more money and fill my life with more things. Not that I was trying to be rich or famous, I just wanted more whatever that was.
In the last few years I lost many things that were dear to me. I had a job I loved, and people that thought well of me. I was secure in my love for my family and their love for me. I thought I needed a certain level of something to be fulfilled.
God had to teach me. It’s all about the glide. When my world was shaken He said “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.…” (Matt. 11:28) Not that this came to me easy but His Word has washed over and over me and I have started to listen. He has been faithful to fulfill and joy has returned to my life. He is teaching me to love His children more than acquiring stuff.
Trusting in Jesus’ work on the cross has brought me to a place of peace. I can rest in the knowledge that He holds my future and He just wants me to rest in His love. I don’t have to splash, I don’t have to kick, I don’t need to worry about staying afloat. “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” It’s all about the glide.
I love it when the Lord intrudes on my day and brings me His word. He is surely blessing my early morning swims.
In the locker room after the swim there was a lady reading her Bible sitting next to me. I asked her what she was reading and she told me Psalms 24. We chatted a bit and she told me her name was Lea.
I love to see casual acquaintances actively involved in the scriptures on a daily basis. Every time I come into Starbucks there is usually a group deep in study of God’s word. This morning it was a group of men with their Bibles open.
Hope you start your day in study even if its just 1 verse! And look for God’s blessings.
When it comes to life changing actions in our lives, why do we wait?
Driving to Starbucks this morning WRBS radio was asking this question “If you could tell your younger self one thing what would that be?” The caller answered perfectly. “YOU CAN.” I don’t remember her exact words but she wanted to tell herself to be bold, try new things, have more faith in the God that loves you and to have JOY!
I just discovered this truth. My future is now. After losing my security in a career and self sufficiency God brought me to a place of gratefulness. If I don’t reach out and embrace the life he has given me now, when will I?
I feel God’s presence abundantly through music and worship. This is where God meets me. Dan and I attended the “Out of the Dark” concert by Mandissa and Danny Gokey recently. Tears streamed down as I participated in this massive worship service. It touched the depth of my longings. The hurt and pause in my life were opened wide and I began to heal.
So why did this woman’s answer stir me this morning? To tell you not to wait. I think of the lost younger generations, afraid to trust God in every aspect of their life, afraid to even think they could be JOYFUL!
Sometimes I ask God why now? I was ready to retire and live out my life quietly. But He has put a desire in my heart to give more, love without boundaries, and to find JOY in building relationships with His people.